o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
