Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
