That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
