I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
