I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
