He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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