I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize