OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
