Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
