what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
