please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
