i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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