I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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