he thought i was a dude.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
