I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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