you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
