So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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