I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Randomize
