I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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