you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize