two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
