I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
