you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
