dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize