I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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