i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
