he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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