Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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