Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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