I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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