I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
