Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize