you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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