in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
In America we eat man semen.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
