All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I think i got beer on your cat.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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