happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
