Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Floor bacon is actually really good
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
