if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I want a musical about memes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
