I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The air taste purple.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
