Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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