We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
