you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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