chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
