i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
