I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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