Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
