Duck Duck Cougar?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
