how can u be prego again
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
