she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
