At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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