i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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