I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
