dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
