Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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