I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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