Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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