Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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