Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
