Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
