After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
