I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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