Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
