yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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