Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
