U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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