I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
