ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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