do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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