If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
