I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
