I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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