I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
